I was living in New York City for five years when I started dating a woman who changed my life.
I was going through a divorce and she and her husband were taking me to an expensive party in Hollywood where I was getting married to a very wealthy guy.
My heart sank.
I knew I wasn’t ready for marriage, but I also didn’t know how to handle it.
I had never really had any idea what I wanted in a relationship.
So I said, “I’m going to try and have sex with you, and I’m going see if I can make you feel good.”
She had never been with a man before, and her body was just beginning to open up.
We went out and I had sex with her, and it was wonderful.
She had a beautiful body and she was beautiful, and she’s been married to this guy for about six years now.
That’s when my mind started going.
I felt like I had to change.
She was beautiful.
She has such an amazing body.
She’s beautiful, so sexy, and there’s something very exciting about her.
So what did I do?
I just did what women do.
I asked her if she’d ever considered going to a strip club.
She said, No, I haven’t.
But she had one night where she got naked and I could see the way her body responded to my touch.
I just wanted to get her off and I didn’t want to wait.
I started talking to her on the phone.
I wanted to try something new.
I told her I wanted her to get naked.
And I said I was just going to put my hand down on her thigh.
And it was very intense.
It was almost like she was in ecstasy, but she was like, “No, no, I’m not going to do that.”
So I put my arm down and started kissing her.
And then I put another one down and she started moaning and I put her down again.
So we just went in the bathroom, and after I had cleaned myself up, I just went to sleep.
My body felt like it was going to explode and I just let it go.
But then, one night I woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn’t there.
I looked at her.
She looked at me.
I put the condom back on and I went to bed.
And when I woke the next morning, she was gone.
I don’t know why.
I couldn’t believe it.
That was when I decided I had had enough.
I’ve had sex, and that was just one of the first times.
She told me she’d never had sex before, so I didn, too.
And so I stopped.
I tried to have sex every day for a year.
And after two years, I was like “I really don’t want that anymore.
I’m never going to have that.”
And I felt as if my body was going crazy.
I didn and I wasn, and then I had a relapse.
I went through a relapse about two weeks ago, and this time I decided to stop.
I feel like I could just walk away.
I think my body is telling me that I have to.
It wants to keep going.
But my brain is telling, “Well, I need to get over this.”
And so now, I have a lot of work to do to get my life back to normal.
And that’s what I’m working on.
The more I’m doing things, the more I’ve realized, “Oh, I think I’m over this,” but the more work I do, the better it feels.